Out of Body Experience

As you can tell, I have not forced myself to blog in quite awhile. I say forced because I have had to force myself to do lots of things lately. In recent years I have never taken time to slow down and seriously think about the many things that to some are so minute, but if you think about them truly are important. My teeny tiny babies turned 12 a few weeks ago, and it was the 1st time ever we did not have a BIG blowout! I think it bothered me more than them. First of all we couldn't afford it, and 2nd of all they didn't want it. I am amazed at the individuals they have become. Yes, I say individuals because they want their own independence these days. They are sisters not TWINS these days. I feel so truly blessed and at times overjoyed at the fact I gave birth to these two beauties. As many say, they don't look like me but oh they do have my actions. Realizing this has been a rude awakening. I hated age 12-14. It was a hard time for me with going to what was Junior High then and making lots of new friends. I loved that part, but my Daddy also remarried and I gained 2 new sisters and a step-monster. I was in limbo constantly. My poor Mother. I hated her, my brother, and my sister. Hell, the whole world. I still have such grief over my parents divorce. I did a good job of pleasing everyone and ending up with several lifelong friends. With this in mind, I am constantly trying to be a good Mother and never before have I had to be "The bad parent." Well, lately I win all hands down. It is my way or else! I have realized so many things about myself and the fact that I do matter. I have been dealing with Diabetes and all that comes with it since I became pregnant and it has been a bumpy road but I have prevailed! I am taking time to enjoy things I have taken for granted, and have removed the things that I refuse to deal with. Selfish maybe, but I know what I must do to raise these girls. Positive people create a positive environment. Kudos to my Mother who raised us on a church secretary salary of $120.00 a week. She did a great job! I realize more and more everyday I can never thank her enough! My sister is now my best friend, and my brother is the Best man I know. Without them I would not be me. So, I close in saying I have been going thru an out of body experience, but I am enjoying it. I want to be the Best I can at all I can do whether it be the best daughter, mother, friend, wife or just someone you will never forget!

WHY?

The question is why? Why is anything the way it is? I am and have been so terribly overwhelmed by so many things lately and the harder I try the worse it gets. I am very hurt becasue of friends who I give my all to and the are only around when it benefits them. The people I thought cared really are only concerned with themselves and that is again one reason we have our own families and own sets of problems. It just hurts because I have never felt so alone as I have lately. I am planning on having reconstructive foot surgery in the near future. One foot at a time. Joint replacement in my 1st two toes in each foot and tendons will be taken from my legs and placed in my feet. The down time for each foot will be around 12 weeks. Just when I thought I had this figured out I have learned Sloan may need her hip plate replaced. This is devastating. Her right knee is growing outward and may also need surgery. As a parent that has seen this child go thru 4 surgeries already, it rips at my heart. I can't even comprehend it at this time. Where will my stregnth come from? WHY? She has so much to overcome each and everyday that I cannot begin to phathom all of this and she is consoleing me thru it. She is an amazing child and I have been given so much by being her mother. She has had more and more temper tanrums lately that have brought on the seizures. YUCK! Not fun at all. I just pray the good Lord will continue to carry me thru for whatever reason and I will struggle thru the days ahead.

February Ends

I cannot believe February is coming to an end so soon! Life has been so very hectic lately.
*My job is great! I love it. However carrying a phone with you from 5pm to 7am is a bit tricky. I have a lanyard on it, this can be a problem in the bathtub...The girls are still trying to figure it out. Myron has been great about keeping them quiet when the phone rings etc...The paychecks have been oh so nice. I have this weekend off and I am glad.
*Spring Break is coming up March 16 thru March 20th. We are traveling to New Kent, VA to see my dearest friend Jackie O'. It is going to be ruff. Just the girls and I. 667 miles from my house to hers. We are going to stop in Bristol for a night then travel on to her house. The girls are ecstatic! We plan on going to Bush Gardens and possibly Gettysburg. It is going to be fun for all.
*I am very concerned for the girls at school. I have had 11 meetings this year with the M-Team for Sloan. I do not feel academically she has grown. I do not feel this is the place for her. I feel I have voiced my opinion so much and it doesn't help. Her aide is useless, and Sloan is not progressing. Shayla bless her heart is mad at the world! Everyone is stupid or ignorant. She has such a bad attitude. I have put her in counseling to try and figure it all out. I have subbed at their school at least 15 times this year and know what it is like there and just can't stand it any longer. As a parent I have to do all that I can to find a remedy. It may be moving back to Greenbrier, so they can rejoin their friends and go to Greenbier Middle. I am praying for GOD to give me guidance on this matter.
*My sister in law is staying with us. It was supposed to be a week, it has now been four. This is a problem. She is 50 and acts 16! She constantly fights with the girls. Lies you name it. I am also praying about this. As you all may remember, she lived with us before for 18 months with no rent..and lots of drama.
*We are looking for a church to attend. Being a multi-racial family this can be difficult. We are going to try Calvary Baptist and Springfield Baptist. Shayla visited Calvary and really liked it. Rachel and her family are going to Springfield and love it. We tried South Haven but Myron felt it was too large. We really need this in our lives.
*Myron's grandmother Momie who is 90 has had pneumonia is not doing well she has had an infection in her tracea and is no longer able to eat, she had a feeding tube placed. She has ripped it out 3 times. She now has M.R.S.A. and they have now called in Hospice. His mother Granny who is 77 has just had double knee replacement went to rehab today and is doing great. My Dad (Poppy) is doing liquid chemo on some sun spots and skin cancer, he is having a terrible time. It looks like his face is going to burn off. So we are praying for the best with all of them.
*My sister is hopefully going to get a date for the divorce soon. It has been 5 months now, and I do not know how much longer she take it. She is doing better each day. My Dad has helped her with the house, and getting it ready too be sold. I feel once she gets away from there and all the memories she will be much better. Chance is still taking it pretty hard. He has not seen his Dad since 2 weeks before Thanksgiving. We still don't understand E.R. but are praying for him at the same time. I pray GOD will find him and show him the way.
I think this is all the updates for now. I hope all is well with everyone.

OVERWHELMED...TO SAY THE LEAST!

Some of you know and some don't I applied for a job a few weeks ago. I have been on pins and needles waiting to hear something. I finally get the call last Friday night at 7pm. I have never applied for a job I didn't get. I was soooo happy! So here goes..........I will be an On Call Staffer for a companion company. They have over 200 employees with 2 offices. I will take all after hour calls for the company. Hopefully they will be things I can handle or refer them to call back when the office in open. I am so excited about his. For one to use the brain God gave me, two to have adult contact, three to be motivated, and four to have some money!!! I have prayed for this and waited for an opportunity to come along, and my prayers have been answered. Thank you God. I am scheduled to start on Tuesday and train for 2 weeks before I start working from home. So now the good part...Myron calls me on Saturday while working and says he wants to talk to me when he gets home. So I wait up until almost midnight. Here's the bombshell...My sister in law (the one who lived with us for 18 months rent free) is moving to Atlanta and needs to stay with us a week. Okay!!! So I am trying to stew over this. Sunday I have to take Mom to the Emergency Room..she has severe Diverticulitis in her intestines and colon. She was in major pain. Got her antibiotics and phenegran took her home, fed her, came back home. Myron had left to go move his sister??? What?? So I call him, yeah she has to be out of her apt today. I get upset and hang the phone up! Ten minutes later she calls, " Hey sis I am on the way there do you need anything before I come home?" Home, this is not her home. So to say the least I am overwhelmed! Please everyone pray for me! This week will turn in to 2 or 3. Our Anniversary is on Wednesday 13 years. 15 years together. I wanted a nice weekend together..but hopefully he will be moving her to Atlanta. Please understand I love all my family, but when you have had a household of 7, it is nice to only have 4.

Thankfullness!

I have not blogged as much as I would like to lately, I just can't find the time. I worked several days last week. One day in particular stood out and I wanted to write about it. It made me realize GOD is so good! I worked in the Special Education room at Sloan & Shayla's school on Thursday. It was such an emotional day. I feel I am very fortunate in the fact that cognitively Sloan is very bright. I feel we broke the odds against us when she began to talk. I was told by several physicians she never would. She began to sign at about 13 months, an we all did very well. I would have been okay with that, but she always strived for more. She began to speak at around 26-27 months old. We were so happy, and she has never stopped talking! There was a student I fell in love with. Without breaking HIPPA violations or confidentiality, she has C.P. and M.R. not sure of all of her conditions. I was so attracted to her. Unlike Sloan, she can walk. Her talking is very limited. There are several words you cannot use with her because they upset her. Of course, I would be the one to tell her "no", and boy did I pay for it. She was very upset. She went into a horrible fit. She did this 4 times in one day. She cried, tried to hurt herself and others. I had to go the restroom and cry. I felt so helpless. I looked to GOD for strength and guidance. I made it thru the rest of the day fine. I worked with several boys and had a good time. By the end of the day I was exhausted. Before, I left the little girl came up to me and told me Thank You and I Love you! WOW!! They said she has never done that before. They did not even know she knew the words. I am so glad for the opportunity to work with these kids. So often, I see the other kids and teachers who won't even give them the time of day. It furiates me. They are somebody's child. GODS child. Before, I was a parent of a Special Needs child, I never knew of any children with special needs. It is eye-opening. You learn so much from them. I am so thankful for my children. I am thankful Sloan has a voice. She keeps us smiling all the time, and you never know what she will say next. This morning it was,"Mama you are so beautiful. Why can't my hair be like yours?" I told her we would buy some bleach and do her hair blonde. She said,"Mom mixed girls don't have blonde hair!" I laughed and laughed. Then she said "But I am half white!" HA! HA! Never a dull moment in the multi-race family!

Happy New Year!

For starters we had a great Christmas! It was different just the 4 of us in the house on a major holiday, and I suppose I'll get used to it. I just love being surrounded by family. I never thought I would miss Mom not being with us as much as I truly do. Shelby is who I miss most. I just feel the need to be in her life. I want to nurture her and Mother her like I have for the past 10 years. Phone calls, emails, and texts just aren't the same. This I guess I will get used to as well. 2008 was a very hard year, I guess that is why I am so excited about 2009. I of course want to make drastic changes in all areas of my life, but who doesn't? I am not making resolutions that I won't keep, been there done that. I just want to set goals and meet them. I want to do things right, which is what I have always wanted it just seems I get bogged down by one thing or another. Before school let out for break, Sloan's Resource Teacher and I agreed to let her stay in her classroom the majority of the day and focus on the things she really needs..Reading/Language Arts etc. She goes to Special Ed. Math and I hope this plan is going to work. We have to keep trying until we get it right. I am so fortunate that her teacher is willing to do this. I am so thankful to know she cares so much. Shayla is still not excited about school in general, or much else these days. She is however becoming a fabulous reader. She has read all of the Twilight Series and four other books in the last month. This excites me. I have enjoyed them being home and will be happy for them to go back to school. We all do better on a routine. Consistency is the key. I have realized lately that I am so lucky to have the things I have and I know I take things for granted. I want to be more inspired and positive. It is hard, never easy for no one. I think sometimes I get caught up in the fact that I have diabetes, neuropathy, a broke foot again, Sloan has C.P., I constantly have to have someone in my home to care for her because I can't. It sucks, but it is my life. I am going to deal with it better. I Thank God everyday for my family they hinder, but they do help, my friends..always listen to me even when there are no words to say.
I wish for everyone a wonderful New Year and peace in their heart!

Hustle & Bustle

For starters we have all been sick. Of course the diabetic got sick first and kept it the longest! So many things have went on lately, I don't know where to begin. We travelled to N.C. the weekend before Thanksgiving to surprise my in-laws. They were ecstatic. The girls had a wonderful time and so did Myron and I. It is so pleasant to get away. Our trip was short due to Myron's work schedule. We then went to Sha's for our family Thanksgiving. It was so nice. I cooked for 2 days and loved it. I love my nephews. I wish I could spend more time with them. They are growing up so fast. On Wednesday of last week Sloan had her 6 month check up with the Neurologist. All was well. He wants to increase her seizure meds, however I do not feel the need at this time. On Thursday, I had her follow-up from her I.E.P. that was to assure me all things were in order and of course they were not. I spent another 4 hours going over all the same things as the last meeting. The good thing was the Vision Assessment results and boy, did I learn so much. She explained the depth perception and peripheral fields that Sloan can actually see. It was amazing.
It all makes so much more sense. I think this really helped more than anything. The teachers can now understand how and why she runs over their toes etc...Her wheelchair is going in for repairs on Tuesday and we are so glad. This chair as I have said costs $23,000. It is getting over $6,000 in repairs. It is less than 2 years old. Need I say more? It is very different around our house this year for Christmas. For the last 6 years we have put up 6 trees and tons of decorations. No Mom downstairs, or Bubba and Shelby. I miss them. So we have 1 tree in the living room and 1 in the kitchen. The girls opted not to put theirs up. I have such a hard time with change. We are just so different as a family the 4 of us. It is wonderful! I just love being surrounded by people. This week I am working at the girls school 4 days. Yahoo!