Polly Again!

Well, it has been a rough few days around the Sellars home for me. Polly my alter ego has been here. As many of you know from previous blogs...She is EVIL!!!! Of course the girls were out of school on Thursday and we had no Aide for Sloan..(did I mention my back is aching?) Then on Saturday no Aide again! How did I do this for 9 years? I feel so damn old and broke down. Not to mention I even used to work 3-4 nights a week, 12 hour shifts at that! So Polly was bound to show up. I take a whole lot, a whole lot. When I break, look out. I have been evil, Jackie O' if it weren't for you I would be in the Parthenon. Today we had 2 Aides. What a relief. I Thank God for these ladies. Kudos to Lindsy, Jannie and new Mommy Amanda! Yes, Amanda delivered Asante Joseph on Friday. He is precious. Lindsy took the girls to the park and Myron treated us all to Chinese. A great time was had by all.
Good news..My sugar is doing great. I am on the new U-500 insulin and it is working so well. No sugars over 160 in 2 weeks. I have only crawled to the kitchen a few times in the middle of the night. I hope I can keep it under control. I hope my belly heals from all the bruising from my pump. Please continue to pray for me as I continue to strive to conquer this disease, I have let it control me for way too long.
I have subbed alot at Watauga and have really enjoyed it. I love kids and even my kids are not there, my friends kids are and it is such a joy to see them. My kids are adjusting much better to SMS. We went for parent /teacher conference on Thursday and I could not be prouder. All of the teacher's went on and on about what nice, polite, and intelligent girls I have. I am proud of them and feel very fortunate. I am not so sure they like me these days. I hated this age growing up. Ten to thirteen was awkward. I just want them to be grateful for what they have, and appreciate things.
I miss my Poppy lately. I haven't seen him in a few months and I miss him. I talk to him everyday, but it is not the same. I long for us to do things together and spend quality time together. Life just never goes the way I plan sometimes. He is my HERO and he knows how much I love him. Chance called this week. He is doing great in school. Now that is a boy I love.
He cheers me up. He is like a breathe of fresh air.
I have realized lately that I spend way too much time worrying over the wrong things. I need to be more focused on myself and family. I tend to worry about everyone except myself....who worries about me??? Not even half of the ones I worry about I promise you. I talked to an old friend this last week. We at one time were related by marriage. I called to tell her happy Birthday. She called me back, and we chatted for awhile and she began to sob....she said Holly I owe you the biggest apology ever. I said why? She said you have never once forgotten my B-day in 25 years. You have been the best friend I could ever ask for, and I have not done the same in return. I began to sob myself. If it is anything that I have learned over the years, it is that if I give you my friendship, I give it 100% and unconditionally.

I am oh so sweet, just call me the Insulin Junkie!

Well, here we go again. For all my medical friends who stay so interested in me....Hemoglobin A1C 15.3. Shouldn't I be dead or something? It is worse than ever. When I feel my best, my sugar is worst?? Neuropathy bad,bad,bad. Nots so much hands as the feet. Pump is giving me about 180-220 units of Humalog a day. Cutting sugar out all together. Only tried this once, but it did work. (Remember sugar of 16 and falling in shower pregnant??) So either I am going to be too high or too low. They saw low is better. I am being optimistic. I have to do this.



My girls are now 11 years old. I cannot believe it. I love being a Mother. It is never easy, but always breathtaking. I never dreamed my tiny, tiny, babies would be bigger than me. They are so very beautiful and intelligent. I am so blessed. There is so many things that stick in my mind about that special day, I could list them forever. 1.Myron ran out of gas on the way to the hospital. (My Daddy did the same with me except my Mommy was with him and Grandaddy came and got her and left my Daddy) 2.My husband of color was white by the time the CRNA got my epidural placed. The best summary my dearest friend Jackie O gave me in a special message for my girls. She told them all the wonderful things about my pregnancy and working for my OB doctor, and the many pictures posted in my office of ultrasounds, everyone around was delighted. She told them what a blessing they were to everyone and how many prayers were said for them and me. It truly was the best day of my life and I cry when I think of how special it was. My boss laid her hands on my belly and said the most beautiful prayer in the world...Shayla had been sluggish all day and Sloan had not moved at all, but as she prayed I could feel them both kicking at the same time. Sorry, the best part was she told them to Thank me for having them and giving them life! I thank everyone for that day and times. I mainly Thank God for the Doctors and Nurses that I later came to work so closely with and I admire them one and all.



School is going good. We are having a Spa Sleepover for the Birthday and all their friends are coming over tomorrow night. I am as excited as they are. On Sunday we are having a cookout for the girls, Nini, and Nana. Wish me luck!