Out of Body Experience

As you can tell, I have not forced myself to blog in quite awhile. I say forced because I have had to force myself to do lots of things lately. In recent years I have never taken time to slow down and seriously think about the many things that to some are so minute, but if you think about them truly are important. My teeny tiny babies turned 12 a few weeks ago, and it was the 1st time ever we did not have a BIG blowout! I think it bothered me more than them. First of all we couldn't afford it, and 2nd of all they didn't want it. I am amazed at the individuals they have become. Yes, I say individuals because they want their own independence these days. They are sisters not TWINS these days. I feel so truly blessed and at times overjoyed at the fact I gave birth to these two beauties. As many say, they don't look like me but oh they do have my actions. Realizing this has been a rude awakening. I hated age 12-14. It was a hard time for me with going to what was Junior High then and making lots of new friends. I loved that part, but my Daddy also remarried and I gained 2 new sisters and a step-monster. I was in limbo constantly. My poor Mother. I hated her, my brother, and my sister. Hell, the whole world. I still have such grief over my parents divorce. I did a good job of pleasing everyone and ending up with several lifelong friends. With this in mind, I am constantly trying to be a good Mother and never before have I had to be "The bad parent." Well, lately I win all hands down. It is my way or else! I have realized so many things about myself and the fact that I do matter. I have been dealing with Diabetes and all that comes with it since I became pregnant and it has been a bumpy road but I have prevailed! I am taking time to enjoy things I have taken for granted, and have removed the things that I refuse to deal with. Selfish maybe, but I know what I must do to raise these girls. Positive people create a positive environment. Kudos to my Mother who raised us on a church secretary salary of $120.00 a week. She did a great job! I realize more and more everyday I can never thank her enough! My sister is now my best friend, and my brother is the Best man I know. Without them I would not be me. So, I close in saying I have been going thru an out of body experience, but I am enjoying it. I want to be the Best I can at all I can do whether it be the best daughter, mother, friend, wife or just someone you will never forget!