Lordy,Lordy Myron is 40!!!

My husband is 40 now! Wow, I used to think that was so old. I am so grateful for him. I wish he would not stress so much! I wish for him another year of happiness. He is my heart!

Life Layout!

So where do I start? Summer is coming to a close and school has started. Friday the girls started at Springfield Middle. They had a good day. Leaving them was like Kindergarden all over again. I can't believe ...Middle School. Sloan loves her aide and the CDC class she will be in part of the time. Shayla has 5 classes and was a bit overwhelmed but made it thru. It surely is different than Watauga. The diversity of course, the amount of students, and the size of the school. They get to experience riding a bus. GREAT! Not excited about it, but without a handicap accesible vehicle what do you do? I just pray it will all work out. I will of course put on my coat of armour and fight for whatever I need to, I am used to that!

Financially, we are still struggling. I love our house, but it is expensive! Groceries and gas alone are killing everyone. I have been working on Mondays for my Aunt Mimi doing bookeeping. The pay is not bad and it is fun. I have decided to get a part time job. I don't want to substitute teach because they changed the pay scale and it is only $58 a day. NOT WORTH IT! I have applied for several things in Healthcare. I just want peace of mind again.

We have a new family member. Presley the King. A tiny champagne poodle. He is precious. Still needs to learn some manners. He thinks Myron is an intruder. The girls love him. He especially loves Shayla. She needs that right now.

My Jackie O' is in Williamsburg, VA. I went to Denver and made the drive to TN with her. It was so fun. We stayed in Denver and Kansas City. Lots of shopping, expensive eating, and Room Service. She spoils me so well. I am so glad she is close. We plan to go visit in October for Fall Break.

My Mom has been sick. In the hospital with Chest Pain and Shortness if Breath. Unsure at this point what it is. I honestly thinks she does not like living alone. She has been with us for 6 years now, and adjusting to being by yourself at her age I am sure is hard.

A Love Like No Other

To me this is the most beautiful picture in the world! This is my heart. She smiles no matter what. I wanted to post a few things about Sloan for everyone. We are so excited about her benefit. It is less than a week away. I am so very fortunate to have great friends that are putting this together for us. We are praying for enough money to put a lift on my van to transport her in her power chair. She is growing by leaps and bounds and I can barely get her in the van. It takes 2 people to do so. I just want her to be able to go everywhere I go. She has only been to the grocery store twice in the last few years. I can never just run in somewhere. I am by no means complaining, just stating the facts. She loves going out to eat, but it is so hard to go anywhere. This lift will just make it so much easier.

I have copied Sloan's Bio here for everyone to read:

My name is Sloan Sellars. I am 10 years old and I am a twin. I go to Watauga Elementary School, and I am in the 5th grade. My Sister “Shayla” and I were born 9 weeks premature. I weighed 4.1 lbs. I stayed in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit for 4 weeks. I came home on an Apnea monitor, and was on it for 6 months. When I was nine months old, I was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy. This is why I am writing this biography to tell you about me. I had my first surgery when I was 1 year old. My eyes crossed (Strabismus) and had to be straightened. I wore glasses for a few years, but now I am considered legally blind and they don’t help. I had back surgery (Dorsal Rhizotomy) when I was 3 years old to help with the spasticity and muscle spasms in my legs so I could maybe one day walk. It helped with the spasms, but I have never been able to walk on my own. I had another surgery (Bi-lateral Femoral Osteotmy) when I was 5 years old on my right hip and both legs. My hip would pop in and out of socket, and my femur bones were turned inward. The doctor did a de-rotation and turned them around. I was in a complete body cast for 12 weeks. I had another eye surgery when I was 8 years old to fix my eye muscles in my left eye. I also had my hardware from my hip surgery removed when I was 8. I attend therapy weekly at Vanderbilt Pediatric Rehab. I am very active and love playing on the computer and listening to music. I have a power wheelchair and am in it most of the time. My friends are trying to raise money so that we can have a lift put on my Mommy’s van to transport me in my chair. Thank You in advance for any assistance you can give us.

As you can tell, she has had a lot to face for a 10 year old, but let me tell you "She is a fighter!" She always has a positive attitude. She has a determination to succeed at whatever she does. There were days when I did not know if she would talk, she learned to sign. I don't know what the future holds for her just like any other parent. However, I do know she will give her ALL!

Neglect!

What a word!!! No posts lately, as this has also fallen into the category of "Neglect" with all the other million things. Sloan was terribly ill this morning. I should have known when she told her Daddy last night "I don't feel like going to the movies" that something was up. She never turns down a movie, and never misses a chance to spend time with Daddy. She awoke at 5:00 throwing up. It is so hard for her. I am trying to get up from bed with her, turn her over on her side (she used to aspirate on liquids), and scream for Myron all at once. She threw up 3 times in an hour. She got 3 baths, and a morning in Holly J's Beauty Salon. She was so lethargic. I washed her hair, dried it, and straightened it. Yes, a 3 hour process. Gotta love a girl with lots of hair! Myron is so good with her. He has been home all weekend and we have enjoyed it so much. After all of this, I sat down with Shayla. I have been on the "Worst Mommy in the world" list with her. I never do or say the right thing these days. She is so mature, and helps me with Sloan so much I feel I neglect her. How am I supposed to balance it all? I have been praying diligently about this. I was the MIDDLE child and Lord knows I felt I never fit in. I have tried each day to set aside time for just her and I. My friends and I met this week to work on coordination of Sloan's Spaghetti Supper and Silent Auction. It is going well. Blue Cross denied our request for 12 hour shifts. This stinks! My health is still not great, and I really need help the majority of everyday. I will just continue on as we have in the past. I need to work on my sugar levels. I hate this disease. It controls me, and I should control it! I am making a committment to myself to take better care of myself. I have to. Neglect is not a word I want in my vocabulary.

Special Olympics for Special Girl

Friday Sloan competed in Special Olympics for the third year. All together is was an okay day. She did not compete in the 10 meter run in her gait tranier. She got very upset and began to cry. Of course, having 5 people yelling and screaming at you, I guess I would have backed out too! She was afraid of the gun the man was using for start off. She began to cry and just fell apart. The wheelchair race was after that and after much encouragement she got it together and got in her chair to race. She took off with a flash. She went in and out of the cones like a champ. She only had 1 competitor and she blew her away. She smiled the whole way. The rain was off and on all morning. I took some of her friends and let me tell you I won't do that again. Six 5th graders, whew they blew me away with how they acted. They were very supportive of her. They just were not very tolerant of her teacher and aides. They did not feel Sloan was treated properly and let everyone know it. These ladies work with Sloan and these kids everyday, they have to push them or they would never accomplish anything. At first, I was upset but I then realized they do a good job overall. I depend on them everyday to care for her. It is so hard. How do you know the right things for your kids? This was not the best day, and not the worst, but it made me realize so much. The girls are going to Middle School. They are entering into a time in their life when everything is crucial to molding them into the people they will become. I want so much for them. It makes you question yourself as a parent. Am I doing the right things? I pray to GOD for stregnth and wisdom. I can only hope for the best!

Jigsaw Puzzle!

OMG! Where do I start? I have so much to tell! The most important is my Health. I am having a stress test on my heart Tuesday. I am scared, but would not tell you if you asked. I am SUPERWOMAN you know. If you remember six months ago, the tremors I was having in my hands and feet that keep me from walking independently? Well, undoubtedly they effect my entire body....including the old HEART. My EKG was abnormal not once, twice, but 3 times in a row! During my Physical last Thursday, I was strapped down to the table on my second EKG and then for the 3rd one my wonderful Doctor (Marilynn Michaud) of 14 years comes in the room (I was freaking out by now) and holds my hand, rubs my head, and tries to calm me and tell me they all 3 are abnormal with a huge line running thru them. They say I have heart tremors.
Of course as Rachel pointed out it is a muscle and all the other ones in my body tremor why wouldn't it? I hope it is nothing, but you never hear my say I am scared but I am.

The next piece of the puzzle is.... we moved. We are now renting a beautiful home in Springfield. It is so handicap friendly. Rachel's mom Ellen helped us on this one. She normally deletes her emails on rental properties, but she told Rachel about it. We didn't originally jump on it because it was way too high on the budget I was given. Well, after looking at everything in Greenbrier from 600.00-800.00 that was CRAP! I new I had to find something. Rachel and I searched and searched. She called her mom and got the address. As we approached the house we immediately liked it. Nice brick, acre lot, fenced backyard, huge living room. It is awesome. I love it. The owner's are so nice. They built a ramp for Sloan at the front door. The only problem...I have to transport the girls to Watauga for now. My back is in desperate need of a massage. Rachel usually helps me. Shayla is the best helper. I am so grateful for that child! I need a ramp or lift for my van, but just cannot afford it.

The next piece of the puzzle....Mom is moving to the Springfield Arbors and she is on a waiting list so she is still with us. It is hard at times. Before she was in her own dwelling downstairs. Now she is in my business constantly. I love her dearly, but I will be at peace when she is 5 miles away. The funny thing is..we have never lived more than 5 miles apart. In Goodlettsvile she was 3.7 miles from her Condo to our house. Alvin and Shelby love their apartment. They are a few blocks away. It is a good thing.

The next piece....The end of the school year is coming which means I.E.P. (Monday) and MIDDLE SCHOOL. We are now zoned for Springfield and the girls and Shelby want to go to Greenbrier Middle. Sloan's Resource Teacher is giving me mixed signals on what to do. Supposedly the Principal at Greenbrier is a stickler for out of zone kids. I don't know if me subbing at Watauga will help or not. Rachel and I are going to visit Springfield this week and check it out.

I pray for God's will to be done. Rachel and I met a lady this week who was so amazing. She came to my Yard Sale and lifted our spirits. She spoke to us on how powerful GOD really is. I forget this at times. Rachel, I couldn't had made it without you this week. You are my Rock. You have been my medicine. Like my new favorite song by Usher..I needed every dose of you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. There is so much more..I just don't want to talk about, but keep me in your prayers.

I can't believe he is 20!

I can't believe my Firstborn is 20! Jacob Chance my most precious baby is 20 years old today! 20 years ago today, I truly felt like I became a mother. My little sister who was 17 at the time had just given birth to the most precious angel. When I held him for the first time I got this wonderful feeling like nothing I have ever felt before. It makes me cry everytime I think of it! He was 7lbs. 9ozs. 20" long. He was gorgeous. From the very beginning we had a bond like no other. I saw him everyday. He was my LIFE! Everywhere I went he went. Yes, this included dates. My first husband was ohh so jealous! In his fits of rage he always said," all I cared about was Chance". He was so right! He was the best baby. Never cried, always happy. A comedian he was. Stealing cigarettes out of the ashtray poking (as he called it) behind his Daddy's recliner. On a certain holiday he played a tampon for a trumpet. Hilarious he was! They moved to the sticks of Pleasant View when he was 4 and this was hard. He was no longer that close. So many a night I packed up and spent the night with him. He loved this. He loved Power Rangers and Batman. You could always find him dressed up as one. My favorite memories are of George, his imaginary friend who went everywhere with us. We always has to buckle him up im the car,or put him the highchair at the restaurants. He loved his My Buddy Doll I got him. He was so smart he learned so well. He always did great in school. He is now a Sophomore at MTSU and has a 3.8 average studying Criminal Law. He will one day own the family's Bonding Company. He is such a brilliant young man. Handsome OMG, the girls love him. I am still in awe that he is mine. I love him more with each passing day. It is amazing that he is such a great kid. He has faced his hardships. He has been to Rehab for alcohol, and he has done things I never thought he would do. Does that mean you stop loving someone? No way, you just encourage them and guide them the best way you know how. I talk to him often and I tell him how much he means to me. I tell him how proud I am. He is my Heart and nothing can change that. Life is hard and at 20 it is not easy. There are things I wish I could go back and change, but you can't. I just pray for my angel. I pray God will guide him and give him the strength not to give in to temptation and drink. I am thankful for my sister who sacrificed her life for him. She has been an excellent mother and I love her so. Happy Birthday Chance, I love you unconditionally!